Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
