I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
