Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Floor bacon is actually really good
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize