Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
