I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
