I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
