Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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