Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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