After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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