just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
