were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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