Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I need to align my fucking chakras
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
