I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
