My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
