Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
