will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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