i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
