I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize