In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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