i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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