I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
