she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My feet surprised me
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