No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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