i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
