dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
