If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize