Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
