You did not just play the dead husband card again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
