I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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