Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
