he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
