trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
