She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
