Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
