I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
