the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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