I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
