So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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