she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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