I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
