Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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