I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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