we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
