and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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