I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
