WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
