i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
