he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
