Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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