Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize