A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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