I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
