I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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