you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
