Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
