ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
