We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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