Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
