the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Someone signed my nipple.
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