After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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