I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
