Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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