i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
