Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
