my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
