You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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