6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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