So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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