i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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