hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
