I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
