I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
