I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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