Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
