Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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