the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
