...so i touched it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
