I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
