Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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