her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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