I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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