too bad you live with your parents still
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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