Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
