apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
