ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
