i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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